eptivity

I’m generally a good person. At last count, I only have three vices.

First, I compulsively read trashy women’s magazines when I’m sick. This is the fault of my disease-addled brain. Second, I compulsively lick my husband, which he does not appreciate. This is the fault of my husband’s relative intolerance and overwhelming lickability.

Third, and perhaps most significantly, I am a reality television pusher. To Stephan, I have brought The Apprentice, and Beauty and the Geek. To Cenaida (who, in my opinion, has fared better), I have brought not only Project Runway, but also arguably the best television show to ever be produced: America’s Next Top Model. Seriously: awesome.

Jawdroppingly awesome in its festering trainwrecklikeness. As though its cattiness and rampant egomania did not provide enough pure, unadulterated entertainment to warrant repeated viewings, I have learned more from this show than any other, hands down.

How to smile with my eyes.
How to twirl around on high heels without falling over.
How Oprah’s greatest contribution to the world was when she gave some people some doughnuts this one time.
How elephants are part of the dinosaur family.
How it’s okay to wear fur, sometimes, if the animal has died of natural causes, say, or maybe has been killed by another animal in the jungle.

So can we really blame me for pushing? Just trying to make the world a better place here. We can’t all give away doughnuts.