I have a husband, whose name is Stephan. He is many things.
He is very smart.
He is very funny.
He is very handsome.
He is very nice to kittens and babies.
He is packed full of integrity.
He is an excellent communicator.
He is disgusted by chocolate.
Wait, no, that last one is a lie. He used to be disgusted by chocolate. This the guy who once shuddered when the Red Robin waitress brought me a chocolate milkshake at which he was forced to look.
“Hater of chocolate” is not just a description of Stephan; it is integral to his definition. Imagine my surprise, then, upon discovering that he drinks, nay, actively likes chocolate soy milk.
Last week, I bought him some coffee-flavored soy milk (gateway drug if I ever saw one) and when he ran out of that, he deigned to sip some of my chocolate soy milk.
Then he came home from work today and helped himself to a piece of homemade blueberry sog* and a nice short glass of chocolate soy milk.
Who is this person, embracing the one thing he ever truly hated? It’s like I don’t even know him.
* what you get when you cover your blueberry crisp with saran wrap before it’s had a sufficient chance to cool
7 Comments
“actively likes” is a bit overstated, my dear wife. After all, I did *clearly* state that I *much* preferred the coffee soy milk and that I was only settling for the chocolate soy milk because a) we were out of coffee variety, and b) I really, really wanted something creamy to drink with my delicious blueberry sog.
So me and Kate’s dad are going to start up a rival blog where we set all of these inaccuracies straight once and for all. It’s going to be huge.
I just call it like I see it.
Ma directed me to your blog. It is indeed captivating, I love it!! Perception is what matters, huh, Kate? Communication at its best begins by relating what we perceive, laced with a bit of . . . of . . . what is that word from my last cherished English class well over half a century ago? Hyperbole?
I wonder what it means. Does it still mean the same thing? Usingenglish.com – “Hyperbole is overstatement or exaggerated language that distorts facts by making them much bigger than they are if looked at objectively. The media use it a lot to make stories seem more important or interesting than they really are . . . It may be used to entertain or more seriously. . .”
So how effective is “objectively” against hyperbole? I am not sure but am becoming excited about learning some new tools at usingenglish.com that I never knew existed – “Anadiplosis, Antimetabole, Aphorism, Chiasmus, Epanadiplosis, Epanalepsis, Epistrophe, Epizeuxis, Litotes, Meiosis, Metaphors, Oxymorons, Pleonasm, Redundancy, Sarcasm, Simile, Spoonerism, Tautology, Understatement, Zeugma”.
We’ve got our work cut out for us, Stephan, but I’m not much good until I retire and have more time to figure out how to do it right.
lol. the best part was when i clicked to comment and read the comments already there :)
Hi Dad! I told Stephan that he had you to thank for teaching me that sleeping is a privilege, not a right, because this life lesson is why we are still friends after he came running into the bedroom at 7:15 this morning to wake me up and show me your comment.
Good luck with your blog. I look forward to bearing the brunt of your new tools of English, though I’m pretty sure most of those are made up.
Hi, Westcotts. It’s GREAT news to hear that early morning joy and discipline is alive in your household. We could use some of that here.
You read more books each week, Katie, than I have in my entire life. With this overwhelming advantage towards the honing of your language skills, I should feel humbled into forever silencing this keyboard.
But I am not humble. I cannot but respond to the keys before me, those of the trusty Gateway friend you have forgotten, washed with your tears and joys of half a decade when your entire being was focused on searching for the essence of life.
The keyboard that, after those intimate moments of companionship, you peddled, without a second thought, for a pittance. It is asking to you, “Now that you have discovered the commercial value of your talents, are you content buying and selling your way through life?”
Your loss has been my gain. The processor in my trusty 8 year old got roasted during high voltage switching Monday morning last. I thought the entire week up north was shot until I plugged my HD into yours (yes, I discovered it in the back of the Camry) and things are better than old again. It has worked flawlessly, especially after I reinserted the HD connector and removed the duct tape placed there, in lieu of the proper screws, by the previous owner.
The sample above leaves no doubt of the rusty language tools but, with a suggested reading list and resources from sleeplearning.com, there may be hope for my part of the anti-blog of all anti-blogs. And there is certainly motivation, huh, Stephan?
Funny thing is, Kate’s dad, that very rarely does she exaggerate. Usually I am the one who does. Hers are usually right on the money. Sad to say, sir, you will probably just have to deal with that burning sensation you are starting to feel on your backside.