1. Move to a foreign country.
2. Purchase the almost-cheapest DVD player you can find (hint: google the code to allow it to play DVDs from all regions).
3. Send your husband out of the country for a few weeks.
4. Sign up for Blockbuster movies by mail (I know, but there’s no Netflix here).
5. Turn on the TV and pop Atonement into the player and then pause it when you decide to put the laundry and leftovers away first.
6. Answer your husband’s Skype call from your computer at which you can’t see the TV screen.
7. Whilst your husband is telling you a story about his sleep patterns, have the DVD player suddenly decide to switch itself off so OMG ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE IS A STRANGE MAN’S VOICE IN YOUR APARTMENT WHEN YOU ARE ALL ALONE AT 10 O’CLOCK AT NIGHT AND YOUR HUSBAND IS 4,000 MILES AWAY.
…..
In other news, it’s all better now—me mum is here!
Here she is sitting on part of “Industry and Genius,” a 1990 sculpture in tribute to John Baskerville, who lived in Birmingham in the 1700s and, among other things, created the original Baskerville typeface. The first work set in Baskerville was a collection of Virgil. “Industry and Genius” was the name of a 1751 poem about the awesomeness of Baskerville (person, not typeface). My mom is looking at Baskerville House, a building built in 1939 on the site of Baskerville’s mansion that now houses offices.
We also took a canal tour on a narrow boat, during which we floated past a gym where we hopefully assume a yoga class was underway: 20 people lying motionless on the floor.
And I don’t know about you, but where I come from, “Nothing could be fitter than chicken in a pitta” does not, in fact, rhyme.
