eptivity

Dear Sainsbury’s, the UK’s longest standing retail major food retailing chain,

Thank you for selling me the foods that I like to eat, both those which I was led to believe didn’t exist here and those which were a happy discovery. Foods like:

Popcorn (without which, living in the UK would be unsustainable)

Black beans (we were led to believe these didn’t exist here, but they exist at Sainsbury’s and they’re better than any we’ve bought at home. And organic!)

Heat and serve ciabatta bread (unexpected and delicious)

Hummus (also better than home: 2 for £2, several flavors, all vegan, and all natural. And you don’t even advertise this! It’s like you did it on accident, you’re that awesome.)

Tortilla chips (as good as any we can get at home, including at good Mexican restaurants, plus we can get a medium-size packet for 18p. EIGHTEEN PENCE, Sainsbury’s! By far the cheapest thing we’ve bought anywhere in a long, long time—I mean, who even sells things for less than 20p/25¢ anymore?)

You’ve done so well with these items, may I suggest the following:

Brewer’s yeast (without your cooperation, we will soon be forced to require this as a fee from all American visitors)

Rainier cherries

Reese’s Pieces

Santa Cruz brand ginger ale (I know you sell Canada Dry “ginger ale,” but trust me on this one)

Bagel chips

Tofutti Cuties (coffee flavored for Stephan)

Silk brand chocolate soy milk (and while you’re at it: coffee and eggnog flavors)

Chipotle chili powder (I’ll even let you spell it “chilli” if you want)

Thanking you, I remain:
Your Biggest Fan