eptivity

Things I Did Not Claw My Way To The Top Of The Food Chain For

1. To wake up before 8 a.m. on the weekends, or 6 a.m. ever.

2. To tolerate the unexpectedly prolific littering habits of the general British public.

3. To be barred from making changes to accounts that I have personally set up because you, account giver, assume that what I really want is for it to be set up in Stephan’s name, since he is a man, despite the fact that I am the household Doer Of Things and he, although a man—as you have so duly noted—never, ever wants or plans to talk to you or any of your affiliates [again, British people: what is up?].

4. To eat seafood, including almost all types of fish. Seriously: gross.

5. To listen to Nickelback [see also: Mel Brooks movies].

6. To ride the bus.

7. To suffer Sarah Palin.

8. To wear gladiator sandals [see also: Uggs, Crocs].

9. To self-checkout at the grocery store.

10. To participate in competitive team sports.